adverbs.

Surprisingly, the past few days were like super chilly and windy. Since I arrived in this koala/kangaroo-infested land (loving it), the weather has been very nice and tolerable. Lovely. But the breeze just these few days made me very uncomfy especially at night.

Funny, I even got scared one time when I saw shadows swaying outside my bedroom window. Only to find out it was the wind blowing through the plants. (For a second there I knew how little girls felt like when they say there are monsters underneath their beds or shadows outside their windows). I also get itchy, red patches all over my body that annoys me to death! In addition, I refuse to touch my face with my own hands because it felt like sticking my skin to ice. And to make things worse, I get back aches when I wake up in the morning because the coldness almost paralyzes me at night. Once I assume a position that makes me comfortable and warm. which you may think is curling up into a ball, I stick to it until daylight. (imagine that?!) 

You may have observed that the first part of this blog is filled with problems. You may not consider it though, but whatever.. this is my story! hahah.

Again and again, He is giving me so many realizations and lessons leading me to a more mature and responsible way of living. For example, amidst the fridge-cold weather, I am very fortunate to possess a jacket, a pair of socks, gloves, thick comforters and a 24-hour access to a hot beverage. I was so relieved to find out that the shadows were creations of the wind and plants outside; the reddish blots were easily managed by smothering my body with super moisturising lotion that I almost felt like coming out of a spa massage; and my back ache can disappear after assuming other comfortable sleeping positions. 

You see, every problem has a solution. Sometimes we just could not figure it out because we choose to gaze on the length, width, or depth of such that we lose focus. Most often, we keep hugging the problem so close that we fail to notice the solution which is also present at the same time. And when we miss it, we blame God. Don't you find it unfair for Him? Here comes a perfect being who designed us in the most intricate and special way and yet He takes all the blame for something we made up ourselves. 

Recently I was bombarded with negative thoughts and fears..again! This time I ALLOWED it to sink in which in turn interrupted my sleep at night. It robbed my joy, hope and peace until such time that I still had to ask for advise a thousand miles away. (thank God for internet) I forgot everything I've learned and been writing about the past months. See, whenever I learn something for my own improvement I'm always put to the test. Always. It really is easier said (or in my case, written) than done. It's as if God is giving me a practical application test. My problem was that I began to worry again. But a solution popped up when I LOOKED FOR and read my little book, PEACE. It reminded me of what to do and how to do things to achieve peace. 

God did not promise us a world without problems nor fears. He told us though to sleep through the storm. Be still and know that He is God. It's always a matter of choice. Notice the words I capitalized  (allowed and looked for) which are action words. Life will never run out of ways to make you frown or frustrated. But we always have to make the choice to do something about them. Don't blame God. And don't always blame the devil. Sometimes we create our own chaos. I'm not for the enemy, okay. I'm just saying that we too can be our own problem. Worried? Stop thinking about it and divert your attention to something else. No cash? Create ways to improve things and be content with what you have. Sad? Listen to music. Fat? Go on a diet and start excercising. Dark skin? Use likas papaya. Hahaha 

So the next time you encounter an ice-cold, scary, and uncomfortable feeling, aim for ways to lessen or make it disappear. You may not always like what you see but atleast the feeling of knowing how to handle something and finally putting it into action is already a relief. As what they say, do your best and He will do the rest. Once you've done your part, It's all up to Him. Now, DO SOMETHING!!!

PS Whenever I write something I see to it that I speak to myself first. If somebody out there is touched in one way or another, I consider it a blessing and a bonus!  Chillax. God loves yow!! >.

There, there kid. It's alright.

If crying a river is possible, I feel I've created a sea by this time. I'm so missing home and the good old times. Just minutes ago I talked to my mom over the phone and immediately broke into tears. I was literally wishing and longing to be by her side again, comfortable in the warmth of her embrace and assurance.

It happens. I'm a pure manifestation of a normal human being. I never believed that distance could affect you whatsoever until I experienced it. So this is how it feels like.. near death!

I was always the weakest among my sisters according to my grampa. A little tease would send me to the corner crying. A single rumor activates my tear glands on the spot. I remember when I was little, I was always tugging my mom's trousers motioning her to carry me all the time, buy me a grocery store (yes, that's right) or when she was pregnant with my little sister I would consistently tell her to take off her big belly because her comforting lap which used to be my playground could no longer accomodate me that time. (sorry may-anne) <3

And so at this very moment I am again reminded of how weak I am emotionally. I could be a good listener and adviser but once I get wounded inside, it hits me like I'm done, in the center of point blank having the face of sadness munching on my hopes. But again, a twist of things happen.

After I got off the phone, I continued my emo time (crying all the more)  trying to conceal every gasp, not wanting anyone to hear me. I tried my best to divert my thoughts to something else but it just would'nt work. I finally got hold of myself and opened my FB account which clearly shows my status at the moment (who cares? haha). Normally I just update stuff, check messages and pictures then logout. Eversince I joined the fb community I never really cared about chatting. But surprisingly at this very time, I got to catch up with old friends I did'nt expect to come across with. Also, one of them shared this super cool and hilarious video all of a sudden (this friend randomly popped up) which immediately made me laugh hard. Another friend was able to encourage me just by simply "liking" my status, no details needed just pure realization.

And there you have it. Yes, God never ceases to make me smile.. in this case, laugh! It's all in the way we look at things. Sometimes we may be too caught up with the things inside and around us that we fail to acknowledge God's interventions. It may be a simple thing but when you look at it through heaven's eyes I believe God intervenes most of the time in ways we don't expect Him to. It's such an amazing feeling when, after going through all the ups and downs of life, He makes you realize that He was there with you all along. He waited for me to stop crying and dry the tears from my eyes so I could watch the funny video properly. He took away my gasps so I could give out a sigh of relief through encouragements of an old friend.

I don't know about you but that is the way I see things. I choose to see them through heaven's eyes and actually, I am encouraging you to do so. I may have seen myself as a weak, pretty, sexy woman (no objections please) but through it all, God was with me teaching and making me realize that life must continue and the best is yet to come. Now, aint that comforting?

May we all have a peaceful sleep tonight. =)

PS. Thanks, ma. You made me create another one. Hehe

Changes

I never wanted to get seperated from my family and loved ones. But if this is the only way for me to realize my faults, get closer to God, and change for the better.. so be it.

Change is tough. Most people abhor it. But think about what it does to you if you completely surrender and decide to change something in your life for the better. I've been in the land down under for a few weeks now and He is making me realize the things I need to change. Literally showing me, too. Everytime I'm left alone at home, I set the mood for "our" date. There I begin to commune with Him. Open up things I could never tell anyone, experiences I've had but chose to conceal it from the world. This is where I see myself from His eyes, that I am still a work in progress.

My relationship with God has brought me to new heights. Recently, He taught me not to be such a control freak anymore. Eversince I was young (yes, I still am), I always wanted everything the ideal, little-miss-perfect way. I'd freak out if I did'nt have it my way. Like, on dates with my friend who's a boy (haha) I'd totally check his outfit first before stepping into the public. If I did'nt like it, I did'nt go out. I was never comfortable if I knew something was'nt within MY standards and then eventually blaming him for my foolishness. Point is, I was drowning in my own pride and selfishness but putting the blame on others. And so I had to be a thousand miles away from my "comfort zone" just to realize this is VERY WRONG and unhealthy for any relationship. That basically everything should be within HIS standards.

 I always knew I had a bright future but the monster FEAR often attacked. This time God wanted me to drop it. That I won't be able to experience what's at the other side of the mountain if I continued to carry that hideous emotion. I was scared about what other people would say or think about my decisions on career, marriage and everything. I was a people-pleaser. About my stay here, I was a bit scared/worried I would'nt see my family for a long time and did'nt have a clue where to go. But again, He made me realize that with fear, I would also be blinded and eventually be pushed farther away from Him. Now that would be tragic. The only solution then is to trust Him. It's alright to be afraid or scared sometimes. It's what you decide to do about it that matters. You may be scared to go bungy jumping but you did it anyway because it seemed fun. You're scared... but did it.

Change does'nt happen overnight though. Still there would be flaws, tosses and turns. But the thing is, you've surrendered and committed to welcome it anyway. And again, we will never succeed to change anything without consulting Him first. Strive hard. Let's not lose hope. As you go through this, you'll be surprised to find yourself getting more and more beautiful inside and out everyday! =)

Have fun!!

PS. If by any means you might wonder why I exposed some of my life's details, this is my way of sharing God's goodness which you may experience also. I don't mind getting it all out if it means touching a life out there. God bless!!

Cheesy Part 2

Today's incident was unimagineable. I got up early to fix my little cousin's hair before going to school (hahaha), went for a walk, had breakfast at a neighbor's house (my aunt's friend invited me) and headed straight home to fix myself. My usual routine then would be to glue myself infront of the laptop searching for jobs. It took me 4 hours to surf the net. While doing the jobhunts, I felt uneasy as if I had something I had to do but did'nt know exactly what it was. Afterlunch, I helped my uncle clean the house. He refused to let me do the chores but I insisted. I kept on having this feeling I was so unsure about, literally. I headed back to my laptop and search again. Lots of things flooded my mind. I kept on thinking there were still washed clothes to fold, jobs to look out for, people I needed to contact for certain information, and the like. in short, I was so caught up with the stressors around and within me I forgot to ask Him for help. I texted my mom telling her I felt hopeless already. Tired and hopeless. Stressed in a major way.

It was only 1:30 PM and my uncle headed out to fetch my cousin already. But school does'nt end until 3PM. I wondered why he went out so early, the fact that their school was like only 3-minutes drive. Again, the uneasy feeling kicked in. I had a mild headache after hours of surfing the net. I knew I had to rest awhile. So I got my ipod. I played my favorite gospel song (Magnificent) and believe it or not, my eyes started to well up immediately. Funny thing, I continued cleaning while crying hahahaha!! I made punas-punas the window panes while tears were rolling down my cheeks.

After the song, I opted to change it to something more upbeat but the next song randomly played just before I could press the "next" button. The song was Ron Kenoly's "I bow my knee". To my surprise, I found myself literally bowing with my head on the floor, again with tears but this time was super diff'rent. I felt God's embrace in an instant. I could'nt utter a single word and could not help but cry, this time not because of my headache or stressful moment but because of an unexplainable embrace from a living God.

I once again, got the message. Jesus was waiting for me to open up to Him. Maybe that's why my uncle went out that early so Jesus could spend time with me alone. Maybe that was why I felt the uneasy thingy all along. Maybe He wanted me to simply bow down and acknowlege I am nothing while He is everything. Maybe He wanted to display His goodness in my life once again. And maybe, He missed me that much and that He was desperate to comfort me. How cheesy is that? =)

Let me share with you some of the song's lyrics (I bow my knee):
"I bow my knee before Your throne,
 I know my life is not my own
 I offer up this song of praise
 to bring you pleasure, Lord.

 I seek the giver not the gift
 My heart's desire is to lift You high above earthly kings
 to bring You pleasure Lord."

From the day I wrote "Cheesy din si Lord", I demanded God to let me experience Him in a special way that I may share it with others. I got what I wanted. Being alone is the best time to talk to God. See, He even makes the first move nowadays just so you can experience Him. I realized I do not own my life and I cannot dictate what happens. It all boils down to one thing. He really and literally is in control. He knows exactly what's happening, what I was going through and knew exactly what to do.

I would like to encourage you to seek the GIVER and not the GIFT. Most of us get desperate about wanting to have what we do not. You may be dying to get the job, envying your neighbor's LCD TV, or simply desperate to have lighter complexion. Think about this: How desperate are we to look for the giver of all these things? How dedicated are we in doing our job? Point is, God is the giver amd creator of heaven and earth. In just a wink, He can give us everything we want (although we don't deserve it). But He didn't allow things to go that way, did He? It's because He wants us to seek Him and give Him the first place in our lives. Trust me, you'll be surprised at the results. In my case, I force myself to believe that God owns and created my employer so It's up to Him to knit my way through. I guess I'll just have to trust Him and wait patiently.

Thanks very much for your time and patience in reading this writeup. Though we live in a sinful, wreckless world, there is still hope. God is knocking at the door of your heart. The choice is yours.

God bless you and have fun!! =)

Cheesy din si Lord =)

Something beautiful and amazing happened today. Normally for the past few days of my stay here, I'd be out with my aunt. But for this particular day I had the house all by myself. Since I was bored (and a bit sad), I decided to go for a walk. First around the house then on the street. I don't know why I did'nt really go far, I just remained under a tree beside the street. (wearing house clothes looking like a yagit, lol).

Then I started singing songs to God, then found myself simply worshiping Him! After a few minutes, something drew my attention to the sky. I saw a very clear heart-shaped cloud. I immediately got the message. I am not alone, God loves me so much, and He listens to me. Then I broke into tears. Cheesy din si Lord, noh? Ginamit pa talaga ang favorite ko (the sky).

I encourage everyone to seek Him with all your heart. You may be out there suffering with no one to comfort you. You may be someone who lost a loved one or something precious. Or, you may be like me who truly miss my loved ones who are far away. Don't lose hope. When everything fails or seem to go down the drain, remember that there is a God up there who is still in control of everything. He is my bestfriend, and He can be yours too. Only if you let Him be your Savior and the King of your life.

God does'nt care about your past nor about what you look like. All that matters is that He wants to take care of you and me. Trust Him and He will never.. as in NEVER fail you.

Whoever had the chance to read this writeup, thank you for having the patience to simply read it. I hope and pray that even in this very simple testimony, God will touch your heart and embrace you with His love. Don't give up.

Jesus is coming soon. He does'nt want anyone to get left behind. God bless! <3<3<3

The Plus (+) Sign

It's been awhile since I composed blogs again. I told myself the only time I'd be writing another one is when I'm inspired. But I can't wait for that to happen just so I can create something, can I? What if I won't get inspired for 10 years? Hahah.

I've been wallowing in the temptation of giving up for almost everyday. My application status is quite cloudy at the moment, I've nothing much to do and I'm still emphasizing the second thing I just mentioned. Don't get me wrong. My stay here is not at all boring as I have a very warm and accomodating family ready to take me almost anywhere in Brisbane. (hamazing!) <3

Amidst all these melodramatic stuff, I found my little book entitled PEACE. I was'nt planning on looking for it though. I was going through some items in my drawer and it grabbed my attention. Hmmm. Another message eh? I decided to read it there and then hoping to get something out of it and experience the title per se. It succeeded. 

A few days after I found the book I went to the city to have my ME-time spending the day window shopping, people-watching (haha) and ofcourse, eating. Just as I was heading to the bus stop on my way home, I passed by this little bookstore. I was'nt really interested at first but something drew me inside (creepy line). I took a quick look at the books displayed and again this "something" brought me to a shelf where I saw the book "Life Without Limits" by Nick Vujicic. Without thinking for like a thousand times as I would when I'd buy a book, I took it. Well to be honest I never bought a book before unless ofcourse it was for school. 

I started reading once I got into the bus and just after a few minutes, my eyes welled up. That fast? I'm just really emotional about almost everything! The sight of an old man held by his grandchild will send me crying. Oh well, back to the book. It contained everything I needed to know about facing life's frustrations and continuing to focus on God's love and plans for our lives. I need not mention everything though I would really want to. 

Point is, wherever life may take us, we should always be full of positivity. This may sound boring and actually it has been mentioned for like a gazillion times by gazillion people but it really comes to life when we read it, understand it and take it to heart. Hang in there, trust God that He knows exactly what He is doing. He will never forget you and knows when and even where to do or give it. Just keep going. Reminds me of last Sunday. It's like going on a picnic at the park. You're not sure if you are going to have a perfect spot for BBQ and other stuff, you don't even know if you're going to get a parking space but still you went anyway because you wanted to have a picnic and just chill out. 

We will never know what lies ahead. God did not design us to live that way, though. Think about it. Life would be boring because if we knew what will happen next, everyone would be so equipped and everything properly designed for future situations. Everything would simply be predictable. No excitement and tension at all. See, God designed it this way so He may display His power and unfold our purpose in our lives. Mahilig si Lord sa surprise, suspense, and even thriller sometimes haha! Is'nt that comforting to know? He wants us to dream big, aim high and plan perfectly. But after that, we must give it all to Him. He is an expert in handling worries, fears and frustrations.

Ever wonder how many powerful speakers there are? John Maxwell, ..... well he's the only one I know at the moment hahahah! Kidding. There are millions of great men, powerful men of God so they say, but I realized and actually observed that they have only one message. That is, encouraging other people to strive for the better, positivity, trusting God, and the like. Why? Because God knows that there are so many people out there hurting, frustrated and more than willing to end their lives. I believe He continues to raise up people with such great faith to reach out to those in need. See? That's only one of the many ways. 

I realized I did'nt have to get inspired to come up with something like this. I just have to share the experiences, revelations and impressions God has put in my heart in my everyday walk with Him. 

God loves you so much that He wants to carry your burdens. Go ahead, take a leap of faith and give it to Him. I'm so eager to share my faith with friends and family but I can't seem to get it through an open conversation by mouth. I guess this is one of His ways for me to share it. 

Thanks again and God bless whoever, wherever, whatever you are! <3